Lucy, I tell you, we're lost.
Shh!
You want to wake them up?
We are not lost.
Well, then, Highway 60's lost.
None of the roads we've been on
for the last hour are even on the map.
I'll bet we're either in Canada or Mexico.
Oh, Ethel, stop.
The service station man
will tell us how to get back on the highway.
Well, where is he?
I don't know.
Howdy, folks. How are ya?
Shh!
I heard you. I heard you.
What? What? What?
Eh, what can I do for you?
Where are we?
What's the matter?
Uh, nothing's the matter, dear.
Everything's fine. We just stopped for some gas.
Go back to sleep.
Well, this ain't no gas station.
I live here.
You live here?
Yep. For the past seven years,
ever since they condemned this road.
Oh.
Lucy, where are we?
Uh, uh,... where are we?
Uh, where are we, Ethel?
Oh, uh...
I don't know.
I wasn't paying much attention.
Shucks, you're in Tennessee.
Tennessee?
You got here from Highway 60?!
Yeah.
But there ain't no roads.
Hey, you must have come across that mountain
in them old loggin' ruts.
How'd you do it?
'Tweren't easy.
Tell me, uh, where is the next city?
Well, uh, you can get to Nashville from here.
You-you go straight down here a piece
un-until you get to that big road
and you stay right on it
and it'll take you right through Bent Fork.
Mm-hmm.
Bent Fork?
There goes that echo again.
Yeah, well, back over those old loggin' ruts.
Oh, no, Lucy.
Listen, Ethel,
Bent Fork is Ernie Ford's hometown.
If we run into him, we'll never get to California.
Hey, do you folks know my cousin Ernie?
Oh, yeah, we know him.
He stayed overnight with us for a couple of weeks once.
Well, don't you like him?
Oh, we love him,
but, uh, we, uh we don't want to run into him.
He'd make us, uh, move right in.
Well, Cousin Ernie's like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, look, uh,
is there any other way to get back to civilization
without having to go through Bent Fork?
Well... uh, let's see.
You're here.
You're gonna...
Nope. You can't get there.
Okay, come on, I'll drive.
Let's go.
What do you mean, you'll drive?
We're not taking any chances.
We're gonna go through Bent Fork,
but as Cousin Ernie would say, "We're going through
like a bobcat with a burr under his tail."
Now get!
That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of.
Shh!
We were not speeding at all.
You have no right to arrest us!
Yeah, well, that'll be up to the sheriff.
Yeah, well, we'll just see
what the sheriff has to say about this.
It's just our word against yours, you know?
I got to make up my report.
Yeah, well...
Now, look, honey, I know these little towns.
Now, the best thing for us to do is say we're guilty,
pay the fine and get out of here.
He's right, Lucy.
No! It's a matter of principle!
Never mind that.
There we are.
There's the report.
You see, uh, I'm not, uh, normally the arresting officer.
He's sick today.
I'm normally the sheriff.
Eww!
I'll handle this.
Now, uh, let's see here.
According to this report,
by the officer who arrested you...
Oh, that's all, brother.
Now, just a minute, young lady.
This is a court of law and order
and I'm aiming to run it
as honest as is humanly possible.
Ha!
Now, you're charged with driving lickety-split
down the main road of Bent Fork at 40 miles an hour.
Guilty or not guilty?
Guilty.
Not guilty.
That's impossible.
You was in the same car, wasn't you?
Was your side of the car going slower than his'n?
No. My side was going the same speed as his'n.
Was you a-driving?
No.
Well, then hesh up.
I won't hesh up.
Hesh up!
I won't!
I just happened to be looking
at the speedometer at the time
and we were not going 40 miles an hour!
Oh, is that so?
Well, now, how fast would you say you were driving?
Well... uh...
Let me help you. 35?
Less.
Thirty-four.
Thirty-three?
Thirty.
Well, you wasn't backing through town, was you?
No. 30 Sounds about right.
I mean, 30.
That's what it was. 30.
All right. Now I wasn't brung up
to doubt the word of a lady.
If you say it's 30, 30 it is.
Well, that's better.
All right. The charge now reads
going through town at 30 miles an hour.
That's right.
Well, the speed limit is 15 miles an hour.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
The fine will be $50.
$50?! $50?!
You tourists got to learn not to go boring through here
like you was the governor with a police escort.
All right. Here.
Don't you pay that. Shh!
Now, looka here, young lady.
Don't you get my dander up.
Well, you've got my dander up!
You have no right to fine us $50!
That's enough!
If you so much as say "boo",
I'm going to waltz you right into the pokey.
Here. Come on, let's go.
All right.
Boo.
Are you crazy or something?!
Into the cooler you go for 24 hours.
Oh, now wait a minute.
You can't mean that.
I certainly do.
Oh, she just does things like that all the time.
She hasn't got much sense.
Yeah, well...
Come on.
Oh... Ricky!
What do you want me to do?!
Well, call Ernie Ford.
Oh?
Do you know Ernie Ford?
Well, we certainly do, don't we?!
Oh, yeah.
Good old Cousin Ernie.
He's one of our best friends.
Yeah, yeah. Do you know him?
I should say I do.
Well, how about that?!
He knows Cousin Ernie.
Yeah, fine, fine.
Yes, sir.
That no-account hound dog.
He jilted one of my daughters,
and since you're such a good friend of his'n,
you can just set in there for 48 hours!
Come on.
Right in here.
Well, there's just one thing to do, Ricky.
Go on without me.
Oh, now, honey, don't be silly.
Go ahead. You could send me a postcard now and then,
and tell me what Hollywood is like
and Ethel, say hello to Clark Gable for me.
Maybe on your way back, you could stop,
and by that time, I'll be paroled.
Oh, now, honey, don't feel that way.
We'll think of something, honey. Don't worry.
Gee, folks! Howdy-do?!
Ernie!
Hey!
Cousin Fred.
Hi, Ernie.
Cousin Ethel.
Cousin Ricky.
Hi, Ernie.
And Cousin Jailbird.
Hi, Ernie. How'd you know we were here?
Oh, it's the biggest news in town.
Oh, you're all over town.
Biggest news since the preacher dropped his uppers in the well.
Ernie, we're in an awful mess.
The sheriff put Lucy in jail for 48 hours for being sassy.
Yeah, I couldn't help it.
He made me so mad.
Well, he makes everybody mad.
He's about as popular as a skunk at the picnic.
Well, he doesn't seem to like you very well.
Listen, have you got any ideas
on how we could get Lucy out of jail?
Don't you worry, amigo.
Like the United States Murines,
I have come prepared.
Prepared for what, Ernie?
Shh.
Don't cut yourself now.
There.
What do you want us to do with these?
Saw through them bars.
Oh, that'll never work.
Cousin Fred, it is time
for desperate measures.
You've heard of being up the creek without a paddle?
We ain't even got a boat.
Yeah, yeah, Ernie's right, Fred.
Come on, let's give it a try.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, geez!
Not yet!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I could have swore I heard a suspicious sound.
Oh?
I never heard nothing suspicious.
Did you kinfolks?
No. Oh, no.
Everything here is natural. Not a thing.
Very quiet out here.
Now you see there, Sheriff?
You're, you're a-hearing things that ain't there again.
Just like you thought
you hear them wedding bells a-ringing out.
Hesh up, you coward.
Hmm.
Any law against serenading a cousin in your pokey?
No.
No more than there's a law against a weasel
breaking his word to womanhood's fairest flower.
That'll stick in old sour-jaw's craw
the rest of his living days.
Now, look, here's what we're gonna do. Come here.
Lucy, you work with her. I'm going to sing a song
and everybody sing and make lots of noises.
Yeah, yeah. and you get down there eventually.
Okay. We have to sing, too? You sing and sing loud.
Ah, Cousin Lucy, are there a favorite song
that you'd like for me to pick and sing?
Uh, uh, how about, uh, "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"?
Happens to be number one on my repertory.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-i-e-i-o
And on this farm, he had a pig
E-i-e-i-o
With an oink-oink here and an oink-oink there
Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink-oink
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-i-e-i-o
Ernie...
it's much too fast.
Slow it down.
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-i-e-i-o
And on this farm, he had a duck
E-i-e-i-o
With a quack-quack here and a quack-quack there
Here a quack, there a quack, everywhere a quack-quack
Oink-oink here, oink-oink there
Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink-oink
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-i-e-i-o.
One more.
Old Macdonald had a farm
E-i-e-i-o
And on this farm he had a...
A... saw.
Saw
E-i-e-i-o
With a buzz-buzz here and a buzz-buzz there
Here a buzz, there a buzz, everywhere a buzz-buzz
Quack-quack here, quack-quack there
Here a quack, there a quack, everywhere a quack-quack
Oink-oink here, oink-oink there
Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink-oink
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-i-e-i-o
O...
E-i-e-i-o.
Say, that song certainly cheered me up.
Ha, ha.
You know, music makes me feel kindly toward folks.
Oh, good, good.
Folks, not weasels.
Yeah.
You liked, you liked the song, eh?
Oh, I liked it fine, yeah.
Yeah, well, why don't you go back in your office
and we'll serenade you some more, Sheriff.
Yeah.
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay...
That's awfully nice of you,
but, uh, I feel a little guilty.
I-I was a little, uh, hot-headed
back there a while ago.
I'm sorry. I'm gonna let the little lady out.
You are?
Yeah.
Out of the way, weasel.
There you are, young lady...
Write me a letter
Send it by mail
Send it in care of
Birmingham Jail
Ernie. Birming...
Ernie. Huh?
Look, cousin, would you mind stop singing a minute?
I like your voice and everything,
but, you know, I'm kind of upset.
Well, you ain't half as upset as I am.
You can lay the blame for this whole mess
right on my front doorstoop.
Aw, Ernie, you mustn't feel that way.
Well, I do.
Here you drive all the way down here to Bent Fork to see me
and you was all teeth to see your old cousin again
and you just come a-thunderin' into town
like a runaway mule train, and what happens?
You get yourself arrested.
Now, ain't that the cotton-pickin' end?
Yeah, that's the cotton-pickin' end.
Now, look, it's my fault.
I got you into it
and I'm gonna hatch up something
to get you out of it.
Roses love sunshine, violets love dew...
Ernie? Ernie?
Huh?
Do you have to cackle while you hatch?
Cousin Fred, I can't help it.
Singing is the way I get my brain cells to leaping.
I'm a-singin' on the outside,
but I'm a-thinkin' on the inside.
Angels in heaven, oh...
Ha!
What? What?
I got it, I got it.
In just a few minutes,
you're going to be breathing the free air
of Bent Fork once again.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Oh, let me tell you something.
I'm a-gonna marry the sheriff's daughter.
Oh, no.
Oh, Ernie, you'd do that just for us?
Yeah, well, it won't be so bad.
Teensy's kind of pretty--
Teensy, that's her name-- oh, she's got skin
like fresh-churned buttermilk.
Well, it doesn't sound so bad.
Well, she's not bad...
Come on, girls.
Teensy, Weensy, come on.
Daddy, yes, Daddy.
You can't do it, boy!
You can't do it!
I won't let you, boy.
I said I's a-gonna do it
and I'm a-gonna do it.
Sheriff! Sheriff!
Sheriff!!
What's the matter?
Hush up!
What's all this caterwaulin'?
Nothing, Sheriff.
Nothing. Just playing a game.
I want to talk to you.
I ain't got nothing to say to you.
It's about your daughter's future.
Huh?
Well...
Come on out.
There. Now, what was it
you wanted to talk about, son?
See here. Come on into my office, Ernie boy.
Hi, Ernie.
Hi.
Is it all over?
Yup.
What happened?
Well, I went in there
and I took Teensy aside, and I proposed to her.
Oh, Ernie.
And I was that surprised when she turned me down.
What? She turned you down?
Yeah.
Why?
It was Weensy
and she can't stand the sight of me.
Oh, well, how did that happen?
Well, I had a hold of the wrong one.
They're as alike as two peas in a pod
or two watermelons in a patch.
So, when I seen that I had a hold of Weensy
I turned her loose, walked right around her--
which is no small trip--
and I proposed to Teensy,
and she turned me down.
She said, "I ain't a-gonna play second fiddle."
Oh. Oh.
Well, what do we do now?
Well, now, here's the way I've corked the jug.
Now, now, Weensy and Teensy are just a-dyin'
to get into the movin' pictures
and, huh, they're just made for the wide screen.
Yeah?
So, I told the sheriff that you'd just be delighted
to haul them into Hollerwood with you.
What? Ernie, we can't do that.
Oh, Ernie!
You can't?
Of course not.
That's out of the question.
Oh, and the sheriff's out here,
inviting everybody in the county
for a big farewell party for the girls.
Oh, Ernie, we couldn't do that.
Ernie, go... go get him, will you?
Tell him to call it off!
Hey, have you any idea where the sheriff might be?
Nope.
"Nope."
Ooh-whee!
Ernie, oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
Did you find him, Ernie, huh?
No, I didn't find him.
I got me a horse, and I followed him
from farm to farm, and I never did catch him.
Past hour, I've been a-ridin' on a solid blister.
You can call me "tall in the saddle."
Oh, what are we gonna do?
Hey, hey, here comes the music fellas!
Oh, the music fellas, they got the whole thing...
Hey, boys, come here, come here.
Here, here. Come here.
Now, you boys stay right there.
We'll be ready for you in a minute.
Well, there comes the sheriff!
What? Good. Good.
There he comes.
Oh, Sheriff, Sheriff...
He won't... He won't...
Oh, say, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I was so excited about the party
an-and losing my two daughters
that I plumb forgot to let you loose.
Yeah, but look, Sheriff, look.
Come here a minute, would you?
I want to speak Yeah? to you. Look,
I didn't tell Ernie
that I was going to take the girls to Hollywood.
As a matter of fact...
Well, just a minute there.
I don't blame you a mite, son.
You haven't seen them perform.
You just want to be sure they got talent, eh?
Yeah, well, now, look. Girls, come in!
Teensy? Weensy? Come here. Come out here.
Yes, Papa. Yeah, yeah.
Mr. Ricardo wants to see you perform.
Oh, sure.
Do that "Ricochet Romance." All right.
Ernie, you have the boys fire the first shot.
Would you just listen for a minute?
Please, please, listen.
A-one, two, three, four.
They warned me when you kissed me
Your love would ricochet
Aha!
Your lips would find another
And your heart would go astray
I thought that I could hold you
With all my many charms
But then one day you ricocheted
To someone else's arms
And, baby
I don't want a ricochet romance
I don't want a ricochet love
If you're careless with your kisses
Find another turtledove
I can't live on ricochet romance
No, no, not me
If you're gonna ricochet, baby
I'm gonna set you free.
Ha, ha. Yay.
Fine, dear, fine.
Well, uh, Mr. Ricardo?
Well, uh, yeah, well, um...
Yeah, it's gonna be a little difficult
to 'splain to you this, Sheriff.
Sheriff, you see, it's got nothing to do with the girls.
You see, this is the first time
that I'm going out to Hollywood myself.
I-I don't know anybody out there.
I don't even know anything about the place or...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What are you trying to get at?
Well, Sheriff, I'm trying to tell you
that I cannot possibly take your girls with me.
What?!
I tried to tell you before, but you...
All right, well, maybe you'll change your mind,
cooling your heels for 20 or 30 days.
Into the clink again with you.
Oh... Sheriff...
Get in there.
Papa, we want to ask you a question.
Come here, Papa.
We want to ask What? you something.
What? Come here.
Do you think we could dance with Mr. Ricardo?
Oh.
Ask him. Ask him.
Before I lock you up,
they want to know if you'll, if you'll dance with them.
I'm in no mood to dance.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me talk to him a minute.
I think I can get him to change his mind.
Now, you simmer there a minute.
Yeah.
Come here. I want to tell you something.
You know how to square- dance don't you?
Yeah. Yeah.
Now, in Tennessee, we got some calls,
I'll do this, now...
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Well, on my calls, you watch what I do and you...
Uh-huh.
Okay. Now, have you got it?
Oh, sure.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah. Okay.
All right, let's do it.
Sheriff. Yeah?
He said all right.
He'll dance with them if you'll square-dance
so that he can dance with both of them at once.
Okay.
Good lucky!
Come on out. Form a square.
All right.
Here we go. Cousin Ricky, Cousin Lucy, right here.
Cousin Ethel, Cousin Fred, you get right over there.
All right.
Sheriff, you dance with Teensy right over there.
Zeke? Zeke?
Yeah, Cousin Ernie?
Come here, come here. You dance with Weensy.
Come here now, right there.
Music fellas, follow me, right over here.
Now, right there, right there.
Are yous ready?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's have some music.
All jump up and never come down
Swing your honey around and around
Allemande left with a left allemande
Nod to your honey and a right-left grand
Hand over hand and around the lane
The faster you go, the better you feel
Meet your honey and meet your maid
There she is, boys, promenade
Promenade eight till you get straight
Promenade her home
Now, the first and third, forward and back
Side couples forward and back
First and third right and left through
Side couples right and left through
First and third right and left back
Side couples right and left back
Now, head ladies chain across
Side ladies do the same
Head ladies chain right back
Side ladies the same old tack
Now go to the left with a left allemande
Right to your honey and a right-left grand
This is the one, keep your fingers crossed
If it don't work, we'll all be lost
Hey!
Now, all join hands, circle and swing
Down the center and split the ring
Now, ladies go right, gents go wrong
Join hands and circle 'round
First couple rip and snort
Down the center and cut it off short...
Here we go on the heel and toe
Hurry, up, cowboys, don't be slow
There we go, they're tied up good
Say hello to Hollywood!
Next week I Love Lucy
will be brought to you by Proctor & Gamble,
makers of cheer.